


Too Damn Young

by turningthepages



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (Implied) Happy Ending, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, Losing Touch, M/M, Mild Smut, Summer Love, Summer Romance, Young Castiel (Supernatural), Young Dean Winchester, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 01:53:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turningthepages/pseuds/turningthepages
Summary: Twenty years ago he’d been a version of himself that he wishes he’d never lost.“I dare you.”The waggle in Dean’s eyebrows had Castiel giggling like a child. “No!”“You can swim right?” Dean teased.Cas glared at the other boy, knowing what Dean was trying to do. “Of course I can swim. You’ve seen me swim.”“I have? I can’t remember? Means you gotta prove it. Cannon ball naked into the lake.”He still felt a glimmer of that man here, right now, at this very lake—images of a few weeks of his life flashed through his mind like a movie reel, he could still see it. He could still see them.





	Too Damn Young

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by Julie Robert's version of [Too Damn Young](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HiWPgcbUgU) (NOT Luke Bryan's).

_Hello,_

_I’m not sure if you remember me or not as it has been almost twenty years since we last spoke. Perhaps it’s odd to be sending a virtual stranger a message but I wanted to ask if maybe you remembered me? You were staying at your uncle’s lake house up in Washington and my parents hired you to help fix our dock. We spent most of that summer together, you and I, and sadly lost touch not long after we went back home._

_It’s more than likely that after all these years you wouldn’t remember someone you knew for only two months but I wanted to tell you that I look back on that summer with many fond memories. Perhaps that’s what compelled me to purchase the lake house from my parents when they expressed their desire to sell._

_I don’t know why I felt the need to send you this message other to thank you for giving me a reason to hold onto this place. Coming back here has given me a sense of clarity that I haven’t had in a while and I figured why not… even if you never read this._

_I apologize if this was out of the blue. I really just wanted to tell you thank you. I hope that the years have been kind to you._

_Sincerely,_

_Castiel Novak_

* * *

* * *

His feet dangled over the edge of the dock, just enough to submerge his feet into the cool lake water. Ripples cascaded out as he sat, trancelike, staring out at the horizon filled with seemingly endless water and evergreen trees. He let the moment soak into his lungs, feeling more at peace in this single moment than he had in the past two decades of his life. 

Twenty years ago he’d been here, this same very lake and had the same sense of calm flooding through him. Twenty years ago he had a seed of hope settled delicately inside his chest, one he promised himself he’d nurture and allow to flourish. At eighteen years old he’d seen the world far differently than he did now, he had ambitions and plans and a hunger for love and happiness that he naively thought he’d get. 

Twenty years ago he’d been a version of himself that he wishes he’d never lost. He still felt a glimmer of that man here, right now, at this very lake—images of a few weeks of his life flashed through his mind like a movie reel, he could still see it. He could still see them. 

After all this time and the other boy’s presence still lingered in the air. Perhaps it was just the memories messing with his mind but he could still see the two of them right here on this dock—the sower of that seed of hope right beside him laughing, joking, experiencing, and making this one of the happiest places of his memories. 

If only he could turn back time and do it again—do it all again; transport himself right back to that summer, maybe he wouldn’t let that young version of himself down like he had the first chance he’d gotten. He’d do better the next time. Better than what he did for himself. 

A grind they call it: life. He couldn’t have found a better word to describe it. Grinding, taxing, suffocating…. Lonely. Even during the ten-year marriage that had finally ended a year ago, he never felt anything but lonely—not even in the beginning. 

He’d gone through the motions. Followed the path he was meant to take. He went to college and earned his degree, then his masters, began working at his uncle’s insurance company, met the girl, married the girl, bought the house, moved up in his career, bought the bigger house, bought the cars, argued with the wife, was cheated on by the wife, divorced the wife. The last part hadn’t exactly been to plan but it’s what happened after ten years of telling her they’d ‘have children when the time was right.’ Only, he never saw himself having children with her, he thought maybe she’d change her mind about having children with him. Apparently she did, though, not in the way he’d expected. 

He knew somewhere deep down he was perhaps somewhat disappointed that his marriage had failed but it wasn’t as life shattering or life-shifting as he’d thought it would be. He knew they hadn’t been meant to be. He’d known that to be true when he longed to have a family of his own but couldn’t imagine starting one with her. They’d just been a couple of impressionable young adults who listened to their parent’s insistences that they were perfect for one another. What did he expect would come out of that? 

Signing those papers though, what he hadn’t expected was to have a sudden mid-life awakening. It was as if dissolving his decade long marriage had suddenly blown away the fog from his mind and shown him, clearly for the first time that he’d been living his whole life for anyone and everyone but himself. 

How could he do that? Live more than half of his life just following the whims and wishes of everyone around him. He wasn’t happy. Yet no one who ‘loved’ him ever asked him if he was. He’d never wanted to become this person. He didn’t want to become a shell of a man who had once held so many hopes for what his future would bring. 

He was just a kid twenty years ago and even though the memories of his time spent here at his family’s lake house were patchy and fragmented now, perhaps even romanticized out of pathetic desperation that he’d been happier once, now he had a new start. 

He made a promise, out to the empty lake that he’d live his life for him now. A promise he intended to keep this time around.

********

They’d been at the lake house for no more than five days and Castiel was already dying of boredom. His older brothers couldn’t make it on this trip, for who knows what reason, so that left Castiel and his older sister Anna as the only two forced to spend a whole ten weeks with just their parents. 

At least the Adler family next door distracted his parents for the majority of their time. Nothing new there, he was used to his parents spending more time with their friends rather than their own children. It blessedly kept Castiel from having to entertain his parent’s conversations about where his future was headed but it did leave him without anyone to talk to since Anna was holed up in her room at all hours of the day talking to her boyfriend from college. 

It was around that time that Castiel had noticed the banging from out their back doors. He knew his parents had mentioned hiring a boy to fix up their dock that had been looking a little too unkempt for his parents liking. The housekeeper who had been looking after their home the past three years while they hadn’t bothered to visit had been promptly fired for reasons Castiel will not understand—it’s not like his parents really cared for this place, so who actually cared if a few planks had gotten loose and the railing was falling apart a little? No one ever really used the place. They only came out every few years, just to go back home to boast about their gorgeous lake house that cost them more than seemed necessary. 

Those were his parents though, conservative corporate drones fighting tooth and nail to keep up the ‘American Dream’ nonsense. He’d never be like them. Ever. It disgusted him how money hungry and single-minded people could become. 

His thoughts followed him out the back door as he, too bored for his own good, decided that regardless of who it was working out on the dock, he would befriend them simply for something to do for the next few weeks. He didn’t know who he’d expect to find but definitely hadn’t expected to see a boy his own age, shirtless and pounding away with a hammer, back glistening with sweat and muscles straining with every hit. 

He stared for just long enough that the boy must have noticed eyes on him. He turned away from his tools and Castiel was caught by bright green eyes and a smattering of freckles across tan skin, the sun kissed hair accentuating just how much time the boy must’ve spent out on the lake already this summer. 

“What’s your name?” Castiel asked suddenly, needing to know. 

“Dean.” The other boy had said uncertainly. Castiel presumed the boy had _ideas_ about what type of person he may be, given he’d had to have already met his parents to get the job. Regardless of what Dean might’ve thought of his parents Castiel already knew he wanted to win this guy over. He wanted a friend but now he desperately wanted _this_ beautiful creature as his friend. 

“I’m Castiel.” 

“Do you, uh, need something?” Dean asked perplexed. Castiel tried to will his eyes away from the man in front of him, knowing his own tendency for staring often make other uncomfortable. 

“Do you want anything to eat Dean?” 

“Oh? Uh no? I’m—I’m good.” The voice sounded uncertain, like he couldn’t tell if he could trust Castiel. 

That wouldn’t do. Now that Castiel had his mind set, he was going to be unwavering in earning Dean’s friendship. 

“I made two turkey sandwiches. I thought we could share.” Castiel offered, nodding his head towards the back patio table that held the sandwiches and some lemonade. 

“You did?” Dean still seemed skeptical of the offer. Castiel could already tell the boy was trying to figure out if Cas was just trying to sabotage his job. He didn’t blame Dean really, most boys in Cas’s “circle” tended to be the type of self-entitled, self-centered, egotistical bastards that would rather see people suffer than acknowledge that there were actual hard workers in this world who earned their livelihood. 

Castiel wouldn’t push Dean into being his friend, but so help him he’d be out here every single day with a sandwich and some juice in hopes that maybe Dean might see that he’s different. 

“But if you’re not hungry that’s okay, it’s here if you want it.” 

Castiel wouldn’t learn until later that the promise of food was always a surefire way to get Dean to do what he wanted, but at that moment hearing Dean say, “I could eat,” filled Castiel with absolute giddiness. 

“Then come on. Take a break.”

+++

That first lunch shared together turned into an everyday occurrence. At first Dean had been reluctant to open up to Castiel about his life but eventually he broke out of his shell and the two of them spent hours getting to know one another. 

Even after Dean had their deck completely repaired, the green-eyed boy would still come over for lunch or ask Castiel to meet him on the boat docks to share their meal. There on those docks, away from the prying eyes of the lake-home owners, Dean and Cas were free to get to know each other however they wanted. 

“Where do you live?” 

“Illinois mostly.” Castiel answered. The wood was warm on his back but shade was now mostly covering the docks keeping them cool. “We come out here every now and then, it’s not my parent’s favorite vacation spot so we mostly spend summer’s at our other house in Maine.” 

“You have three houses?” 

“Unfortunately my parents are of the mindset that they must show off their wealth with properties.” 

“I mean if you’ve got it, might as well show it off.” 

Every so often Cas would hear the hint of self-consciousness stream into Dean’s voice. Much in the way Castiel felt speaking to his friend as well. Where Dean felt _less than_ for not being as well off, Castiel felt _embarrassed_ for having too much and not doing anything good with it. 

“But they could do so much more!” He argued. “There are hundreds of thousands of people who aren’t as fortunate as us. We could gift them so much: food, clothing, personal hygiene supplies, bedding… anything! But what do my parents do? They buy boats and new cars and only donate to charity as a tax write off.” 

“Have you told them that you wanted to give more?” 

“I have but it’s like talking to a brick wall. They just say that it’s not the way things are done and that I’ll understand when I’m older.” It was without a doubt a point of contention between he and his parents. He’d learned long ago that his parents had no empathy for others when at eight years old they refused to allow him to give his ten-dollar allowance to a homeless Veteran and his dog. Their bigotry was only solidified when Castiel’s uncle Jimmy lost his job and his father refused to allow his only brother and family to stay in their guest rooms until he was on his feet again. 

Phrases such as ‘He brought it upon himself,” and “If I help him out now he will always expect that of us” led Castiel to swear one thing: 

“I’ll never be like them. I’ll never value wealth over humanity.”

“You’re one of the good ones.” Dean said, blindly reaching between them and patting Cas on the arm. 

“I hope to be.” 

“Trust me, you are.” 

Castiel smiled at Dean’s confidence in him. For the first time in his life he felt he had a friend who actually saw him as more than a rich, entitled, white boy. Dean saw him for who he was. 

It was then Castiel thinks he first realized he started falling.

+++

Before they knew it nearly a month had passed and they were completely inseparable. Castiel found himself sneaking away out the back door with a book in his hand in case his parents wanted to know where he was going. He wasn’t ashamed of his friendship with Dean, far from it, but he knew his parents better than to think they’d be approving of it. Not that their lack of approval would stop him anyway.

All day Castiel would spend with Dean, mostly at the docks but lately at the other boy’s uncle’s house as well. There he’d met the gruff older man Dean called ‘Uncle Bobby’ and the shy young boy he called ‘Sammy.’ Castiel was taken with Dean’s family. He loved the way they joked and played around with one another. He loved seeing how thoroughly protective they were with each other, how much love and respect seemed to flow through their house with just a simple pat on the shoulder. Castiel undoubtedly wanted a family relationship like that too and felt honored that the men welcomed him into their lives, if only for a short period of time. 

He was grateful to get to know everything he could about Dean Winchester. With each new tidbit he learned he couldn’t help but find himself absolutely enraptured by the other boy. He knew he was falling hard for his friend, there was no doubt about it in his mind, and it was a welcome feeling even if he didn’t know if it was returned. 

It didn’t matter though. 

Having Dean as his friend that summer meant more to him than he could even explain. He didn’t have many friends back home, just Meg really but even knowing her since elementary school they hadn’t opened up to one another the same way he and Dean had. 

It filled him with warmth getting to be the one Dean confided in. He’d spend all of forever learning about the other boy if he could. 

“You don’t talk about your parents much.” Castiel noted as they walked through the forest along the side of the lake. It was growing chilly now that the sun had ducked behind the trees and Castiel was wrapped up in one of Dean’s hoodies. He tried to hide the way he kept breathing in the delicious scent of his friend’s fading cologne. 

“I don’t have much to say.” Dean supplied with a dry tone. “My mom died when I was young and I barely remember her. And my dad… well he’s a whole can of worms I don’t think you’d want to get into.” 

Cas’s heart ached each time Dean suggested that Cas wouldn’t want to listen to his burdens. Dean was so kind, so beautiful, so _special_ to him that Castiel was baffled that others had made him feel so unappreciated. 

“I’d listen if you ever want to share.” Cas offered, hoping that Dean heard the utmost truth in his words. 

It seemed like he did. 

Dean’s shoulder bumped into Cas’s in a appreciative gesture. 

“He’s just… he’s not a nice guy. Drinks a lot. Has since I can even remember; might’ve started when mom died but probably started when she was alive. He’s a mean drunk. Real mean. That’s why we stay with uncle Bobby most of the time. It’s where me and Sammy like to be best. I’d stay here forever if I could.” 

The defeated tone of Dean’s voice had Castiel reaching out to grip his friend’s shoulder, offering the comfort he thought was welcome. 

“Why can’t you?” 

“Dad made me swear I’d stay with him for a few months after the summer is over. Needs help on something he said.” Dean scoffed and kicked at the dirt at his feet, clearly irritated with the situation. “The fucker probably got fired and needs me to work off some debts.” 

Before Dean could keep walking, Castiel pulled them over to a fallen tree and sat them down. “Why do you go with him?” His question came from genuine curiosity. 

Dean’s features turned sad. “I’m scared if we say no too much he’ll get mad and not let us stay with Bobby ever.” His head fell into his hands. “And Sam needs to stay, you know? He needs to finish school and get to college and he can’t do that if we’re shuffling all around the states.” 

“What about you?” 

Dean looked up then, cheeks flush from both the chill and emotion. “What about me?” 

“What do you need?” 

There was a long silence as Dean stared at him. “I don’t know.” He answered eventually. “No one’s ever asked me that before.” 

“I’m asking.” 

Again, Dean stared at Castiel as if he blue-eyed boy had grown three heads. Had no one actually asked Dean what he wanted or needed in his life? Had no one been taking care of this precious soul all his life? Cas’s heart ached to reach out and pull him into his arms. 

“I—I don’t know.” Dean stuttered. He played with his hands in his lap trying to find the words. “I—I guess I need to know Sam is good and taken care of you know? He comes first. But… I guess… I need or—or I want…” He paused for a beat, letting out a shaky breath. “I want to have a home. A real one. A place where I don’t have to think of as temporary, where I can settle down and have a life and a real good job and just be safe, I guess.” 

He knew they were young and that they’d only known one another for a short period of time but Castiel, in that moment hoped that he’d be the one who could offer all that to Dean. Even if it couldn’t be him, he knew with certainty that was the life he wanted for the other boy as well. “You deserve that.” 

Dean offered a sad smile. “We might deserve things but doesn’t mean we’re gonna get it.” 

“You will.” Castiel promised.

“How can you be so sure?” Dean’s eyes looked pleadingly at him, as if Cas’s words were a lifeline. And even though he didn’t know for sure that things would work out he knew that Dean was a wonderful person and that life _had_ to give him what he deserved. One way or another Dean would find the happiness he craved. 

“I just believe in you.” Castiel answered honestly, offering his warmest smile. 

Something changed then, in the way Dean looked at him. Before it was a look of friendliness but had now morphed into something softer and fonder. His heart now thudded in his chest when Dean looked at him that way and Castiel knew that this was bound to be something more profound than a summer friendship. 

He pulled Castiel into a tight embrace, breathing against his neck. “Thank you.” Is all he said, but Castiel knew those words meant a little more. 

Words he felt in his own heart too.

+++

“I dare you.” 

The waggle in Dean’s eyebrows had Castiel giggling like a child. “No!” 

“You can swim right?” Dean teased. 

Cas glared at the other boy, knowing what Dean was trying to do. “Of course I can swim. You’ve seen me swim.” 

“I have? I can’t remember? Means you gotta prove it. Cannonball naked into the lake.” 

A burst of laughter slammed out of him. They’d spent the past hour daring each other to do the stupidest things. Already Dean had eaten a leaf, Cas had worn a worm as a mustache, and they’d tied one of the Adler’s boats with an impossibly difficult knot. Now Dean was upping the ante. 

“Dean!” 

“Okay fine, then I dare you to just do a boring, basic, fully clothed cannonball into the lake.” The dry mocking tone did nothing to hide the strain of a smile in Dean’s cheeks. The boy was so damn beautiful Castiel could barely restrain himself from pulling him down into a kiss. 

“Only if you do too.” Castiel wagered. 

“You’re on.” 

With their hands clasped together and a running leap the two boys jumped into the deep lake water, surfacing with full belly laughs, splashing at one another until they were practically wrestling in the water. Eventually when the playfulness tapered off, Castiel found himself with his arms around Dean’s neck and those arms he’d been dreaming about all summer wrapped around his waist. 

There was that look again too. That look Dean couldn’t seem to erase every time their eyes met. Castiel knew he wasn’t reading it wrong. Not anymore. Not when Dean was looking down at his lips with pure hunger in his eyes and Castiel couldn’t take it anymore. He slammed their lips together, less gracefully than he had intended but the effect was still the same. Dean’s arms were suddenly fully engulfing him has they desperately explored each other’s mouths. 

His heart was beating a mile a minute when they finally pulled away to look at each other. Dean’s smile was absolutely radient, Castiel couldn’t believe he was the reason for it. That smile made him brave. 

Without losing eye contact with his friend—boyfriend?—Cas slowly slipped out of his arms and swam a few feet away. 

“What are you doing?” Dean asked curiously, his breath still a little labored from the kiss. 

Cas’s heart was still pounding but he was going solely on instinct right now. With his eyes still locked with Dean he reached under the water to his own swim trunks and pulled them down and off his legs. “What does it look like?” 

“Cas…” 

“A dare’s a dare, right?” His nerves were evident in his voice but the look on Dean’s face told him that he wanted this too. That he wasn’t making a fool of himself. “Are you going to make me be the only one skinny dipping?” 

It seemed like Dean had lost his ability to speak. The freckled boy shook his head no and reached under the water to remove his own trunks. 

Slowly Castiel waded through the water back into Dean’s arms. They were both trembling now, feeling only skin between them. Dean was still speechless, staring at Castiel like he was living in some sort of dream. 

“Dean, kiss me.” Castiel commanded, so Dean did.

+++

Everything changed between them after that night in the lake. Where Castiel thought they were inseparable before, now he rarely spent time away from Dean. 

His family was even starting to notice how often Castiel was gone. Apart from the obligatory dinner he was expected to partake in, Castiel was rarely at their summer home and apparently his parents’ interest with the neighbors was waning temporarily and Castiel’s absence was getting questioned. 

After being asked a few too many times where he went during the day, he finally admitted to spending time with a friend (‘sometimes I spend time with the boy who fixed our dock, he’s a friend’ he lied, ‘mostly I just sit outside and read though’). 

With a look of ‘you have no other option’ Castiel had to bring Dean around for dinner. It took a thorough make out session and a promise of pie to get Dean to agree to the night but eventually he gave in. 

They weren’t looking forward to it. If Cas could have made it be, Dean would have never been subjected to meeting his family at all. He knew at least his parents would refrain from vocalizing any judgments they might have until after their guest had left. Castiel didn’t know if he’d be able to handle hearing even one word of negativity about the boy he got to call his. 

The dinner went as expected. A mostly dull affair. 

“What are you going to college for, Dean?” Castiel’s father asked with an evident lack of interest. 

“Oh—I—I’m not, sir.” 

It was Castiel’s mother who chimed in with an aghast, “You’re not?” 

“I’m not going to be going to college.” Dean answered politely, though the red in his cheeks told Castiel he was embarrassed. His mother however didn’t seem to care about Dean’s discomfort. 

“What do you mean you’re not going?” 

Only he and his siblings could hear the tone in their mother’s voice that meant she was thoroughly disappointed in what she was hearing. Castiel knew that he needed to save Dean from the inevitable lecture she was likely conjuring up. 

“Oh—he means he’s going to be deferring for a little while.” Castiel explained, giving Dean a pleading look to go along. “Until his brother is old enough. Dean’s set to work fulltime with his uncle on car restorations to save up until he and his brother can attend together.” 

“That’s quite, generous of you to assist in your brother’s tuition as well.” Cas’s father spoke. “Won’t your parents be contributing the majority of it? Are you just supplying books for you both?” 

“My parents aren’t around, sir.” Dean answered, uncomfortably. “My uncle is helping as much as he can with what he has saved but with his disability he can only do so much.” 

His fathered harrumphed at the word ‘disability,’ likely forming his own incorrect opinions about Bobby. “I see.” 

After the dismissal, Dean didn’t talk much during dinner aside from the thin answers he offered Cas’s parents whenever they remembered he was at the table. Once the dishes were cleared Dean all but stormed out their back door, not even offering Castiel a goodbye. 

“Dean! Wait!” Castiel ran after him, panicked that Dean would just leave like that. Dean didn’t even slow down. “Dean! Stop! What’s going on?” 

“Why’d you lie to them?” He rounded on Cas, red in the face and undeniably upset. 

“What?” 

“Why’d you lie to them? Are you embarrassed that I’m not going to college too? Are you embarrassed of me?” He pleaded. 

“What? Of course not. I just—I know my parents. I know how judgmental they get and I didn’t want to subject you to that. I didn’t want them to have any reason to try and tell me I couldn’t see you.” 

Something broke a little in Dean’s look. “And that would stop you?” 

“Of course it wouldn’t stop me but I wouldn’t hear the end of it!”

“Because I’m a nobody they just think I’m not worth your time?” 

As much as Castiel wanted to disagree to spare Dean his feelings, he couldn’t lie to him. “You know how they are. I’ve told you that they’re assholes. But Dean, you know I don’t see you that way right? You know I don’t think like them.” 

“They’re right though. I’m not worth your time.” 

“Don’t say that.” Castiel commanded, encroaching on Dean’s space and cupping his face between his hands. “Don’t you dare say that about yourself.” 

“Cas, it’s true.” Dean argued, batting Cas away. “What good am I? I’m not smart like your or Sammy. I don’t have any skills. I won’t ever make a ton of money to support a family. I can barely keep clothes on our backs as it is now.” 

“So what?” 

“So what? Cas look at this house.” He gestured around to the two-story luxury home behind them. “This is just one of _three_ that your family owns! All you’ve ever known is money. You think you could really end up with some small town hillbilly like me?” 

A breath got caught in Cas’s throat. Is that was Dean really thought? His voice was barely more than a whisper when he asked, “You really think I’m that shallow? After all this time that’s what you think of me?” 

“Cas…” 

“I thought you saw _me. _” He cried. “I thought you were the first person to finally look at me and know that I’m not like them. I don’t care about all the money my family has. I know I’m fortunate enough to not have to worry for anything but I see firsthand how money makes people evil. My parents and their friends are greedy and selfish and I thought you knew that I don’t want to turn out like them!__

“I know what’s important in life. I know that having people who really, truly, care for you—who want to do the best by you—is far more valuable than any amount of money in the world! I know that love and happiness are way more valuable. I know that _you,_ and your kind, beautiful heart and your incredible, perfect soul are more valuable than anything I could ever purchase and they’re all the reasons I’m in love with you.

“I just thought you had more faith in me too.” 

Before he could even take another breath Dean’s lips were plastered against his. Castiel was riled up with emotion and poured all of it into kissing the boy of his dreams. 

“I do see you.” Dean breathed against Cas’s lips when they finally pulled apart. “I just… I get scared that this won’t be enough. That our lives are going to tear us apart from each other and we won’t get to have this.” 

Cas shared some of those fears too but he couldn’t let himself even think such things. “We won’t let that happen.” 

He couldn’t stop himself from pulling Dean into another kiss, deeper, longer, with a promise hidden somewhere inside it. 

Dean’s warm hands were framing his face when they pulled apart. The other boy was looking down at him with the same look he’d dawned for most of the summer. 

“I’m in love with you too, you know.” 

Castiel’s smile felt a little watery at that moment, he knew Dean meant those words and it felt like he was floating. He didn’t know what more to do other than kiss the breath out of his man again and whisper a small, “Good.”

+++

Castiel’s parents went back to pretending their children didn’t exist, which suited Castiel just fine because the boy he was in love with was in love with him too and quite frankly they couldn’t get enough of one another. 

They were still taking things slow at Dean’s insistence, not wanting Cas to regret going to far in his first real relationship but Castiel was through with the slow pace. They had already explored every facet of a sexual relationship apart from actual sex and he was desperate to know all of Dean. 

It was with constant reassure and a lot of _persuasion_ that Castiel found himself naked and straddling his boyfriend’s lap, kissing him for all he was worth. Dean’s broad hands were traveling the expanse of Cas’s back after spending what felt like years prepping Castiel for what he’d been waiting for. 

“Are you ready?” Dean asked breathlessly. Castiel could see the nerves shining in those radiant green eyes. It made Castiel’s own start to surface. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He admitted, worry now clutching in his chest. 

Dean soothed his hair back. “That’s okay.”

“Have you ever?” 

Dean swallowed hard, “Yeah.” 

“Okay.” Cas whispered hoarsely. He was trembling fully now. 

“Does that bother you?” 

“No.” He admitted because it was true. He had other things to be worried about. “I just—I don’t want to be bad at it.” 

“Impossible.” Dean said comfortingly. He guided their mouths back together and kissed Castiel slowly, pouring every ounce of his feelings into the kiss. Castiel could feel the way they loved each other shimmering between them, glowing like a lightning bug in the dark summer night. “Do you feel this? There’s no way it will be anything less than amazing because of how this feels, right here. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

With a few more gentle kisses, Castiel finally lifted his hips up and allowed Dean to line up with his entrance. Slowly he settled down, breathing harshly as he adjusted to the feeling of Dean’s member filling him up. Dean kissed him through the few moments of discomfort allowing Castiel all the time in the world to get adjusted. It wasn’t long before Castiel let himself experiment, lifting his hips back up and slowing bringing them down—discovering the newfound sensations that came from making love for the first time. 

Dean was so soft and gentle with him, caressing every inch of skin he could reach, kissing praise and love into Cas’s skin and reminding him over and over that they were meant for each other. When Dean finally laid Castiel on his back and took both their pleasure into his hands Cas knew he’d never love another person like this again. This was everything he’d ever wanted in his life. Dean was everything to him. 

He said as much as Dean thrust into him, hand wrapped around Castiel’s length, moving to the same tempo as his hips. It was then that Dean’s movements stuttered and he was breathing out Cas’s name through a groan. Castiel followed moments later, completely blissed out of his mind knowing that he got to experience this moment with the love of his life. It was nothing short of magical. 

Laying in each other’s afterward left them each with a sense of calm they didn’t know could exist in the world. The way their breathing synchronized as they basked in the love they just shared together, it felt meant to be. 

It was Dean who broke the silence first. “I’ve never—I’ve never felt like this before.” 

“Me either.” 

“Cas I—” He pulled his head off of Castiel’s chest and peered down at him with so much adoration in his eyes. “I want this for more than just the summer.” _I want this forever,_ he could hear unspoken in Dean’s words. 

Castiel pulled him into a soft kiss. “I do too. We’ll make it work.” 

“You think so?” 

“If it feels like this, we have to. I don’t want to let this go.” 

“I don’t either.” 

It was a promise from their hearts and at the time both boys truly believed the words they shared.

+++

The final weeks of summer started creeping up on them and both boys refused to be parted for longer than they had to. Castiel now only ate dinner with his parents before he’d sneak out and spend the night in Dean’s arms. 

He loved being able to watch his man fight wakefulness, burrowing into his pillows and blankets as Castiel peppered kisses all over his face. 

“Watch the sunrise with me?” Cas requested, as he did most mornings, knowing Dean’s answer was always the same. 

“Anything for you.” 

They shuffled their way out to the dock, a few plaid blankets in tow to sit on. As always Castiel would settle between Dean’s legs, relishing in the feeling of Dean’s arms around him, his soft breathing in Cas’s ears. 

That morning, with the end of the summer looming just six days away, Dean seemed to be holding onto Cas extra tight, pressing gentle kisses behind his ear every few minutes. 

“Promise me something?” Dean asked in a whisper. 

“Okay?” 

“Promise me you’ll do what makes you happy. You have so much passion in you. Don’t let that go to waste.” 

Cas’s heart filled with more love than he knew what to do with. How did he ever get so lucky to meet such a gentle soul? He’d give the whole world to this man if he could. 

“I promise.” 

“Say it.” Dean whispered. “I need to hear you say it. That you’ll do what makes you happy.” 

“I’ll do what makes me happy.” Castiel repeated but Dean didn’t seem satisfied that Castiel meant that promise. 

“Again.” He requested, squeezing his arms around Cas a little tighter. 

Castiel closed his eyes and imagined his future. He had exactly what made him happy right here beside him. He knew neither of them were willing to let this go. He knew he’d be able to do anything, especially with Dean by his side. 

“I’ll do what makes me happy.” He repeated once more, pouring his heart into that promise. The lake glimmered before them with the sunrise, sealing Castiel’s promise between them. 

“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much.” Dean said suddenly. Castiel shifted a little to see a hint of tears welling in Dean’s eyes. 

“We’ll talk all the time. I swear.” 

Their lips clashed together desperately. These last few days together were going to fly by and Castiel hated it. He wished he could retract his acceptance to his college and move here, stay with Dean forever. But they’d keep in touch. They’d promised one another they would. 

“I’m leaving with my dad right after you go back.” Dean reminded him. “I’ll have to give you his phone number but just tell him you’re a friend and he’ll let me talk to you. I’ll give you Bobby’s number for when I get back too.” 

There was so much fear in Dean’s voice it made Cas’s heart ache. Dean had to know Castiel wouldn’t give up on him. “We’re going to be okay. Don’t worry.”

“I’m so glad I met you.” Dean cried. “I’m so fucking glad I took that job even though your mother scared the shit out of me.” 

“I am too.” 

Their kiss became mysteriously snotty but neither of them cared. They pulled back with small chuckles at their emotional outbursts. 

“I love you.” The words tumbled so easily out of Dean’s mouth, like he’d been saying them for years. 

That had to mean they were made for each other, didn’t it? This was what true love felt like. 

“I love you too. I’m certain I always will.” Castiel promised, he knew those words would forever remain true.

+++

Summer ended and Castiel’s heart ached in his chest as he had to drive away that morning. Dean had run over for one final goodbye and neither of them could keep the tears at bay. Hushed words were spoken between frantic kisses and Castiel promised over and over that he’d call in one week, once he’d gotten settled into his first week of college and was able to purchase his first cell phone. 

A week on the dot, with shaky hands he made his first phone call, anxious to hear the voice he’d been longing to hear for more than a week. 

He could already see the smile lighting up Dean’s face. 

What he wouldn’t do to be with him again. 

It was going to be a long year but he hoped these phone calls would make it easier. 

“What?” He heard on the line when the ringing ceased. 

“Hello sir, may I speak to Dean?” He asked politely, knowing that Dean had warned him about his dad’s temper. 

“Who’s calling?” 

“I’m Castiel. I’m a friend of Dean’s. We met at my family’s lake house in Washington.” 

“He hasn’t mentioned you.” The man had said in return. It hurt to hear but Castiel figured that Dean had a reason not to mention him to his father. He could ask when they got a chance to speak. 

“Oh. May I still talk to him?” 

The man didn’t answer for a while but then said, “I’ll tell him you called,” before he promptly hung up. 

Castiel waited all night for the phone to ring but eventually fell asleep when it never did. 

No phone call ever came. 

He waited another week before he tired again, reasoning that maybe Dean’s father had taken his number down incorrectly. 

The phone rang twice before he was greeted with the same annoyed, “What?” 

“Hello, may I speak to Dean?” Castiel asked once again. 

“You again?” The man asked, sounding very annoyed that Castiel had called. 

Regret started churning in his gut. Maybe this was a terrible idea. But if this man would just let him talk to Dean, it would be all alright. It’d been two weeks since he’d gotten to hear his boyfriend’s voice and Castiel was aching to just hear him say ‘Hello.’ 

Because of that he pressed on. “Uh, yes, yes sir. It’s me again, Castiel.” 

“He said he don’t wanna speak to you.” 

Cas’s voice caught in his throat when he croaked, “He did?” 

The man didn’t even give him a chance to ask to hear it from Dean himself before he said, “Don’t call back,” and hung up, leaving Cas heartbroken on the other end. 

Castiel didn’t think people were serious when they said heartbreak was one of the worst kinds of pain but in the following weeks he knew how true it was. Everything reminded him of Dean and what they had shared together. Every tall man he’d see on campus he’d think for a fraction of a second was Dean. Every whiff of similar cologne that would pass him by would make his chest constrict. Some voices sounded like his. Some laughs sounded like his. Some smiles even looked a little like his but it was never him. 

Castiel never tried calling back. Not even the number he had written down for Bobby’s house. Every time he’d convince himself that Dean’s father had been lying, that Dean still loved him, another voice would tell him that all of it—their whole summer—had just been a lie and Castiel was pathetic for thinking it was more than that. 

He was too scared to hear the same rejection twice. 

For the first few months he wondered what he’d done wrong. Where did he misread things between them? Hadn’t Dean said he loved him as well? Or did Castiel just pressure him into saying it? 

Eventually he started to wonder if it had been real at all. He never bothered talking about Dean with his family so it wasn’t as if anyone could validate if their time together had been real. It didn’t matter anyway. Dean hadn’t loved him. He hadn’t meant it when he said he wanted it to be more than just the summer. Castiel thought he had found love in someone who believed in him, who wanted what he wanted as well. 

But it was all a lie. 

He didn’t bother going back to the lake house. There was nothing good waiting for him there anyway. 

It ached but he moved on. He did what was expected of him like a perfect little soldier and kept the memory of the boy with the green eyes locked away in a hidden part of his heart.

Even if it hadn’t been real for Dean it was real for him and even in the darkest of times Castiel could pull that one memory out and clutch on to it like a lifeline. The hope that somewhere, at some point in time someone loved him and had truly wanted to see him happy... 

Dean probably would’ve been disappointed to see where Castiel ended up but there was nothing he could do about it now. He had the lake house, a newfound hope, and a very promising future ahead of him. 

That would be enough. He hoped. 

He sent the message to Dean anyway.

********

Seeing a notification from the boy who’d stolen his heart so many years back, the boy he waited for months to call but never heard from… the boy he thought might have been a huge part of his future—the love of his life even; he didn’t know what to do. 

Every summer for four years he’d gone back to that house and checked. Hoping upon hope that maybe he’d see even a glimpse of that dark brown hair and those tan lines he’d fallen for. Just to know that it’d been real, that they’d been real. He’d gotten the memo after the fourth summer; he had only been a summer fling. Backwoods boys don’t make true loves. 

He tried to pretend like it didn’t hurt, that no way someone he knew for only ten weeks could make his heart ache so much for so long but it did. The ache dulled eventually but the thoughts of ‘what if’ never really left. The thoughts stayed with him year after year as he fell into the life everyone expected of him. 

After a few years of filling in for odd and end jobs to get his dad out of his debt Dean took enough classes to become a mechanic and get a job in town near Bobby. His dad eventually fucked off to who knows where and Dean never heard from him again. Sammy had gotten through college, became a fancy pants lawyer who came around for the holidays if his schedule could fit it in. Bobby was still Bobby and Dean was damn thankful that the guy had given up his drinking a few years back and was still around. 

His life wasn’t bad, not by any means but he always wondered if maybe in another life he could have had the whole white-picket fence, two kids and a dog, type of deal but he didn’t think that was ever really in the cards for him. 

Maybe at one point, one very distinct point in his life he felt like he could have it all. A summer where he thought he felt love for the very first time—looking back he probably just exaggerated the way he felt then. But man, how real it seemed. Almost like he could still feel the warmth of the dock under their backs as they laid there, discovering so many firsts. 

He had good in his life, of course he did. It wasn’t anything how he’d pictured it to turn out. He lived in a decent three-bedroom house, had a steady job, and had the two brightest lights in his life: his son and daughter. 

He wouldn’t give up his kids for anything. Emma and Ben were his pride and joy and the only good things that came out of his two failed attempts at relationships. Emma’s mom had tucked and run the minute the baby was topside and he had been in over his head at just twenty-five but somehow managed to blindly make it through. He met Ben’s mom about six years later, seemed like he might get a shot at an apple pie life when they found out they were expecting two years into their relationship. Only, things didn’t work out when she blatantly showed favoritism towards her biological child and left his baby girl feeling like a burden. They split, not long after, and he fought hard and dirty to ensure fifty-fifty custody of his son. 

Being a single dad was tough as hell. He felt inadequate at most times but getting a hug from his stubborn thirteen year old or some cuddle time with his energetic five year old made him feel like he was doing alright. He loved them more than anything in the world and wouldn’t give them up for anything, never in a million years. But no matter how much he loved his kids he could never fully escape the feeling of loneliness that crept into him late at night when he’d lie in bed and realize he’d probably never have somebody to hold. Not at this stage of his life. 

He always told himself he was okay with that—that he’d find happiness in his own way, on his own, and be content. 

He almost believed himself too until he heard a chime of his email on his phone. 

Reading those words left a glow inside of him—a shimmer that looked a like the lightning bugs across the lake and decided there was no use just watching them flicker by this time. He needed to go out and catch it, no matter the outcome.

* * *

* * *

_Cas,_

_I couldn’t believe it when I saw a message from you. I almost started to believe I had made that summer up. Of course I remember you._

_I actually live around the lake house. A few miles away. I guess you could say it was an important place in my life too._

_Would you like to get coffee with me sometime? It’s okay if you say no but I figured I should at least try asking. Maybe we can catch up on all this lost time. I hope to hear back from you._

_Dean_

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd try something new with this work. I wanted to try a little bit of a different style of writing, different format, and attempt a not so stark happy ending. I believe these two can find their happy endings in one another but I wanted to leave it intentionally vague for all of you to decide where their lives go. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I love and appreciate all of you. Thank you for always being so kind to me.  
> <3  
> Paige
> 
> If you liked this here are some others that I wrote: 
> 
> [He Didn’t Have to Be](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686360/chapters/21867404) Dean is 23 years old and raising his 3 year old brother Sam as his own. Castiel comes into their life and Dean falls hard and fast but quickly begins to question if he’s even worthy of being loved. Sammy is the most adorable toddler to ever live. 
> 
> [Don’t You Wanna Stay](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634991) Cas has been in love with Dean since high school and when Dean and him go from best friends to falling into a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship Cas thinks he’s happy with the situation. But five years later Cas starts questioning if this is really the kind of life he wants. He loves Dean but he’s sick of getting hurt.
> 
> [Sleep Without You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10775289/chapters/23899212) Dean and Cas have known each other basically all their life and are very close. Close as in, they sleep (and cuddle) in the same bed together every night but… they deny that they are together. During a weeklong trip with their friends the two start to figure out that there might be something more between them.
> 
> [He Wouldn’t Be Gone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11261616) A year after Cas walked out on their relationship, Dean has to face his ex again at a wedding of all places. Did Dean mention Cas left him the night before he was going to propose? It was going to take a whole lot of whiskey but he was bound and determined to get through the night. Sequel: [Every Time I Hear That Song](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178964)
> 
> [Alright](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11589315/chapters/26046594) Dean’s grown up with a good head on his shoulders. Cas has grown up being overlooked, never knowing what friendship is. Dean makes it his mission to be the friend he knows Cas deserves. 
> 
> [There Goes My Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011787/chapters/27182904) (WIP) Dean never expected the night he was going to ask Cas to be his that Cas would come home with a baby.


End file.
